Apathy

-I just saw the video for "wake me up when september ends" by green day. Wow. What a powerful video. It's worth seeing, regardless of whether you like the song/band or not. I like green day, so it all worked out well for me!

-I've got to decide what i'm taking next semester. I think i want to take 5 courses because for some reason i feel inadequate and taking 5 courses would somehow fix that. This is ridiculous. I'm still juggling that 5 courses idea actually. In this mean time, i know i'm taking:
Differential Equations
Engin 12

The tricky stuff comes into play here. If i take four courses, i have to choose between western survey and linguistics 1 (writing course...i need them badly). Also, regardless of 5 or 4, i need to decide whether to take E25 (Computer architecture) or E14(experimentation design). E25 would point me down a computer engineering path, E14 would point me elsewhere. i need to basically decide here whether or not i want to continue with CS or not. This is harrowing. I don't know! I love CS! Problem is, i don't know how much i'll really like it once it gets hard. Another problem, i feel inadequate next to all the other kids i know going computer engineering. You have to understand that academic adequacy is a big issue for me. I know it shouldn't matter who else is doing it and if i like it, i should just go with computer engineering. But, i'll just always feel like an idiot next to these incredibly smart people and will likely be beating myself up often. Maybe not, i don't know. Next option, go with E14 and walk another path (civil/environmental/mechanical possibly). The positives for this path are that i feel the job market is a little better here (there's a ton of kids studying CS and computer engineering all over the country) and i really like mechanics too! I wish i could combine CS and civil/mechanical engineering. I'de do that. It's just too much though. I feel like i'm going to end up bagging CS and going with Civil engineering. It's just, as long as i still have the option, i will constantly second guess myself.

-I want to take both art history AND linguistics this coming semester. I dont' know if i can handle five classes though. It sounds hard. If i did it, i'de use a pass/fail somewhere (probably linguistics). Eek, tricky.

-My jazz band director is bringing in two kids from other schools to play the empty trumpet parts. That doesn't bother me. We need more players. Like, i'de prefer them to be professionals, alums, older people of any type. Not kids from another damn college. But, that's ok, i'll roll with it. What i will NOT roll with is giving them solos. Like, hello! What the fuck! He's showcasing these kids from Temple and wherever that used to be students of his (they're COOL kids right...ok drew) by giving them solos. I sound really cocky right now and jealous because i know this one kid will solo better than i will. Like, i don't care that he solos better than me. Just let him do it in his own damn jazz band. Not the SWARTHMORE jazz ensemble. Like, seriously, because now this kid is going to stroll up and make me look like a fool because he's not from Swat yet his musical talents are being showcased under a collection of "swarthmore" jazz talent. I would not call this fair under any roof because it downplays swarthmore talent. This new director is really starting to push my buttons.

-I think i've got a lot of work to do tomorrow. I havn't even looked yet, but i'm sure i do. If i don't, joy to the world! Perhaps i will get lucky. I'de also like to get lucky as in my computer pretending it's not somewhat busted like it's acting now. Shame on you computer.

-It's november I LOVE november, it's my favorite month of the year. Fall colors in full swing, air is crisp, apple cider, first snow, my birthday :), switch back to standard time, late autumn golf (not so much now, but i did so love it back in the day), warm bowls of pasta on a dark and chilly night, the color red, everything. November, i feel, is one of the most subtle months of the year. I really like the quality. What do i mean by subtle? I mean things like, life seems to slow down in November. Nobody's ever got anything too crazy to say or do. I also feel like extending darkness adds a touch of subtleness to everyone's life. Sunlight makes people giddy and flamboyent sometimes. Darkness brings out a totally different quality in people you know and see every day. Back in my scouting days, i LOVED november hikes and camping trips. The air was always crisp enough that it wasn't oppresive (heavy and hot), streams always had a cleaner sound, lakes always looked clearer, the geese remind us that things are always changing, whether we like it or not. I like change, if you remember correctly, lol. I think i talked about this somewhere before. Regardless, i want this to be the best november yet. I want to remember it right up until next november so i can always remember how wonderful a month november really is.

-I hope certain sources of stress alleviate themselves fairly soon. I have faith they will. Nothing a bit of sleep won't cure. Goodnight :P